Overthinking:

I lie awake at night, trapped in a carousel of past mistakes. Over and over I obsess over what happened, how it could have been different. I should be asleep but I'm not. It's the perfect stage for my mind to replay every blunder I've ever made, as if it’s queuing up a never-ending movie marathon of embarrassment and regret. "How did I get here?" and "Why is this happening to me? We all find ourselves getting into sticky predicaments throughout our lives, sure, maybe more than we may realize. If I could go back and time to change all of this I would do it in a heartbeat. There’s only one problem, going back in time isn’t possible. How could I do it differently? I can't stop thinking!

Making Mistakes:

Have you ever found yourself lost in obsessive thought? Ruminating on past mistakes? Thinking to yourself, how did I get here and why is this happening to me? Personally, I do this an exhausting amount. Reflecting, looking back at some of the mistakes I made, imagining how they contributed to my current life, and how I plan to move on. I have lost numerous friends and respect from elders because of poor choices. If I could go back and time to change all of this I would do it in a heartbeat. There’s only one problem, going back in time isn’t possible. It’s what we do moving forward with our lives that defines us.

Accountability:

Over the past 10 years this exercise has slowly become not only a familiarity in my life, but a reactive tick. Thinking about the past. Trying to push blame on to other people. Making excuses as to why I got myself into certain situations. And I'm tired of it. Through all of this, I have realized is that I own MY decisions. Yes, not everyone has the same upbringing throughout their life. People may be more privileged, fit in better with society, it may be easier for them to make friends etc. That doesn’t give anyone the right to treat others poorly. More recently, I have learned to be accountable for the mistakes I made. I’ve reached out to people to apologize knowing that I may not even get a response. knowing that I left my comfort zone to do so not only gives me confidence but the strength to grow as an individual.

Breakdown:

As human beings it’s only natural that we go through life making mistakes along the way. No one is perfect. We need to be able to reach out to each other as men to talk. Instead of running away from a situation or acting like you’re not hurting on the inside while showing a tough outer shell, we need to talk. Talk to people you trust instead of obsessively thinking about what happened. Communicate with your friends and loved ones because I promise they do want to listen. It will help quiet your mind, I promise.