As I enter a new chapter of my life, I find myself reflecting and wanting to talk about the changes on the horizon. Some of my friends engage in these conversations and some do not. I have realized that the people I have around me, the support I seek, the friendships I want tend to always be changing. Not surprising, life is not static. But it is interesting that some of these friendships stand the test of time, some wither away, or my favorite, some inverse. You begin to distance what used to be your closest friend and are drawn to people you never expected to ever interact with.
Everyone enters, navigates, and exits different phases of life, at different times in their life. Sometimes they never experience them at all because they don’t get married or have kids. Someone who I enjoyed partying with in college may not be able to relate to becoming a father for the first time if they have no kids, may not be able to support you through death without having lost a loved one, may not be able to give you advice on your marriage if their current motivation is to spend hours swiping left and right on tinder. Unfortunately for all of us, it’s highly unlikely to meet a friend in middle school or high school who follows your same life trajectory. Sad really when you think about the good times you had in the good old days. But I have made peace with the idea that friendships evolve.
I no longer assume that I will get support from friends who may or may not have experienced the stage that I am at my life. I leave the door open, but it is up to them to choose to walk through it. And if they choose not to, that is fine. My college friends can still be my drinking buddies. I will continue to game with my high school friends, and I’ll bitch about being a front-line manager with my best coworker friend from time to time. But I’ll also choose how much time I am willing to invest in these friendships because I will also be creating new ones which can provide me the empathy, support, and experience that I need to navigate this next chapter.
