I remember one time where I was caught in an anxious whirlwind.
There were some group project deliverables where my team was counting on me, a finance model to build, a couple of bulk pack articles to learn and a textbook chapter to read for a professor that liked to call on me with the hard questions. I had always been good at school and had always been able to power through and get stuff done. But as I realized that was not going to happen on this night, I started to get anxious visualizing let-down teammates, being embarrassed when the professor called on me and showing up to Finance empty-handed.
My heart started racing in a way it never had before. I went to lie down on my dorm-room bed and, when it wouldn’t stop, I realized I was having a panic attack.
My sister had been in Africa with the Peace Corps and had gotten an adrenaline shot to deal with a medical issue she had, but it backfired and set off years of panic attacks. So I was familiar with what they were and how they could become a vicious cycle – worrying about having a panic attack could bring on a panic attack. I knew I didn’t want to start that cycle. After a minute or so my heart started to slow down and I asked myself a question – ”what is more important – getting this work done or avoiding another one of these attacks”?
While I did care about excelling in grad school, I realized I didn’t care enough to brave another panic attack. That somewhat fatalistic mindset shift – “do the best you can and let the chips fall where they may” has served me well and I have been able to avoid panic attacks in the decades since that day.
Later that year, my professor asked me a hard question. After my enthusiastic answer, he said in his British accent “my dear sir, if you’re going to go fishing, at least cast your line over water!” It turned out I was able to enjoy his line (almost) as much as the rest of the class and, rather than being a point of shame, it’s been a great story to share. I’ve used it with my kids in “what is the worst thing that can happen?” situations and it often gets mentioned when I see classmates. And maybe it can help some Anxious Hombre readers!
